A pastor at our church once said, risk equals faith. Let that sit with you for a second, risk – the act of taking a chance on something with the potential of danger (let’s say discomfort) is faith.
I often wonder in my life if I’m doing enough to be a follower of Jesus. I have a somewhat rebellious nature, but at my core I’m truly desperate to measure up to God’s expectations of me. In fact, I grew up in a church where the message was focused on never being able to measure up. And although, I’ve heard the true message and know of God’s infinitely reckless love He has for me, I struggle with accepting the fact that I don’t have to earn God’s love and that He gives it freely.
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present not things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, not anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39 ESV
So I’m wrestling with who God made me to be and why he made it so darn difficult for me to let go and freely live in this world as He intended. This is where I feel risk comes into play. Stepping out of my comfort zone and into uncertainty gives God a chance to work.
In the summer of 2025, I feel like I took a step in that direction. After working in a remote role for the last 4.5 years, I decided to apply to a teaching position at my kid’s elementary school. Education has always been part of my career path, but I’ve struggled with finding my place. What I did know at this time in my life was that I needed change. So, I applied, I got a call the next day and I interviewed. During the interview, I through everything at the leadership team. I came ready to answer exactly the way they wanted me to. And guess what? I didn’t get the job and I was devastated. In those moments following my rejection I was hurt and angry. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t right for the teaching job and why God couldn’t let me just have this one thing given I’d been so miserable for so long in my remote role.
Throughout that summer, I had all three of my children home with me and worked my full-time client facing role. I juggled internal meetings with snack time and client meetings with movies. I was exhausted and completely drained from my efforts. I never felt equipped enough to do either job I’d been given: Mom and Marketer. What was only a few weeks, but felt like an eternity passed and I was at church singing and a wave of emotion came over me. I broke. All the stress and moments of anger and frustration bubbled over the surface and had no place to go but out in the form of big heavy tears and a runny nose. I released my control of my circumstances, I offered up thanks for my kids and asked for forgiveness for all the times I fell short.
Six days later, I got a call from the principal at the elementary school. She said a different position had become available and needed to be filled. I was in absolute hysteria, bouncing between fits of laughter and crying, over the turn of events. Though the role was with a new team and supporting students I’ve never worked with, God had given me an opportunity to take a new path, one that I had never expected. I knew I had to take the job, and after prayer and many talks with Matt about how we can manage the change, I accepted the role.
Throughout this experience I kept telling myself that I’ve got to try. I have to get out there and open the door so God can show me a path. If I choose to be stagnant in my life, when my heart longs for more, I’m stifling what God can do with me. Taking the initial risk, applying for the job and making that first move sent me tumbling down a staircase of emotions but they gave me a chance to see God work. I want more moments like that. I want to boldly and confidently take the step that allows God to show up to step in and work.
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
Matthew 7:7
I’m hoping I can write more about these moments in the future and share what God is doing in our lives. Stay tuned!
Thanks for reading!
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