My 5 year old son, Jackson, just recently joined a soccer league. I signed him up, purchased his overpriced uniform, and updated my digital planner with his weekly practice and his Friday night games. At first I thought, this is a great opportunity for him to meet new kids and gain some athletic skills along the way. He’s naturally competitive just like my husband and I, so I wanted to get him involved in something where he could tap into that competitiveness. But as competitive as he is, he also LOVES to learn. I thought soccer could serve as the perfect avenue to channel his competitive nature into learning a new skill.
Well, the first week was totally scraped because we live in Central Florida and those afternoon scattered thunderstorms left us soaked or making a U-turn before we even got to the fields. But this week he finally had his first practice. We (my 1 year old, Jackson, and I) piled in the car with clear skies ahead of us and made our way to the fields. In the car I asked if he was excited for practice. “No,” He said. “I just want to play by myself.” I just nodded and explained that soccer is a team sport and he would get to meet new people and play with the boys and girls on his team.
That answer seemed to work for the time being but I could tell there was a looming sense of nervousness in the silence of the remaining car ride. We got to the field and were the first to arrive. The coach and two teammates (his kiddos) arrived and started putting the goal together. Coach started practice and my son stood on the outside of the group listening and taking direction. He was asked to dribble the ball around the field and then try to steal the ball from his teammate. After a bit of confusing looks while running around the field, they took a water break. I was thrilled to see that he was doing well despite his nerves. However, when the water break was ending the nervousness began to creep back in. My heart was hurting for him because I knew that this feeling was what was keeping him from really diving in to the practice. The unknown was a scary place for him to be and to be honest, that was the moment I realized I was in WAY over my head. This kid I was sitting next to wasn’t the kid I know.
Jackson refused to go back out on the field. He said, “I want to play at home, I want to practice at home by myself.” I completely got wanting to leave a place that was new to him but I tried to be encouraging. The little boy I know loves meeting new people and — in my mind — this was just another one of those moments. He watched his teammates practice from the sidelines, kicking the sand by the fence, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. The closer I got to try and talk with him, the further he walked away from me. It was uncomfortable for me as a parent, but I was desperate to understand his heart and why he was feeling the way he was.
Minutes later, the coach called for a water break and I made my last attempt to involve him in practice. I walked with him out on the field and told him that he was alone to play for a moment while the rest of his team got a drink. He perked up at the opportunity to play on the field alone and I was relieved. The coach started another activity where the boys got to play each other 1 on 1 and Jackson was intrigued enough to stick around and he went first. I could see when he was on some kind of high that he got from being out there on the field a nd competing with another little boy. Now, that was my Jackson. He was thriving. A big thumbs up from me and my boy was back.
As I reflect on this moment, I am shocked at how easily I forget that I just told my kiddo to go out there and try something and expected him to not have any fear or question it. He showed me that he does not like to just jump in to new activities blindly. He also needs to understand what is going on (or practice) the new activity or skill before jumping in.
If I’m being honest, I know I’m guilty of losing sight of the fact that kids are still people who experience social anxieties, frustrations, or stresses. Yes, they are fearless when they are jumping off couches, trying new foods, and playing new games in the comfort of their own home, but that’s not what I was trying to convince my son to do here. In this new experience I was expecting Jackson to:
- Step out of his comfort zone in an unfamiliar place
- Talk to people he doesn’t know
- Participate in an activity he didn’t know how to do
I don’t know about you, but as an adult, and even an extrovert, there are times I don’t want to do those things either. I realized I was going to have to dial back my enthusiasm and meet him where he was. We spent several minutes talking about walking next to the field while his new teammates played on. I struggled with how much force I wanted to use to get him to move forward with the practice, but in the end I just wanted him to feel comfortable and safe in the new environment he was in. We could always work on his skills down the road.
By the end of practice, Jackson refused to leave and he wanted to continue playing with his new friends. I was thrilled to see such a quick turn around. As we got in the car, I asked him if he had a good time. He answered “yes” – smiling ear to ear – and I was so relieved.
There’s no doubt my oldest has a competitive spirit, but I can’t wait to see how participating in organized sports helps him develop his character. It’ll be a learning experience for both of us with a few bumps along the way, but there will always be a little bit of fun!
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